I’ve been doing makeup for a living for over twelve years. Three of those were behind the MAC Pro counter on Robertson. The rest have been on other people’s faces—over two hundred weddings, campaign shoots, the occasional awards-season after-party where someone needs a touch-up at 1 a.m. and the lighting is unforgiving. I’ve matched foundation on every undertone you can name. I’ve fixed the TikTok look that looked perfect in the video and tragic in person. I’ve watched products that cost $60 fail by hour six and products that cost $8 hold through a ceremony, a dinner, and a dance floor.
And I’m tired of the way most beauty content works.
You open an app and get told something is “life-changing” by someone who’s never worn it through a twelve-hour day on someone else’s skin. You get shade matches that only work under ring lights. You get tutorials that skip the part where the product creases, oxidizes, or disappears the second the bride starts crying happy tears. A lot of it is pretty. Very little of it is honest about what actually survives contact with real life.
I started this site because your makeup bag deserves better than that.
What you’ll get here
I’m not interested in being another feed of product hauls and soft lighting. I’m interested in the things I actually use when the job is on the line.
You’ll get technique that comes from the chair, not from a sponsored script. Exact application methods, the reason behind them, and the cheaper alternative when the expensive one isn’t doing anything special. You’ll get wear tests that last a full workday, not a two-hour try-on. You’ll get red-carpet looks taken apart so you can see the layers that the finished photo doesn’t show. And you’ll get the wedding lessons that only show up after you’ve stood in enough hotel rooms at 6 a.m. watching a bride try not to panic.
I don’t take brand money. I never have. If a product is in a post, it’s because it earned its place on a real face under real conditions. If it didn’t survive, it goes in the graveyard drawer with the rest of the ones I wanted to love. Once a year I open that drawer and we hold a public funeral. Readers seem to enjoy it.
Who this is for
You’re someone who wears makeup regularly and wants to get better at it without wading through paid enthusiasm. You’re willing to learn the why, not just the steps. You care more about whether something lasts through a long day than whether it photographed well for thirty seconds. You already know that “dewy” and “melted” are sometimes the same thing in Los Angeles in August.
If you’ve ever stood in a drugstore aisle or a Sephora and thought, “I just want someone who’s actually done this for a living to tell me the truth,” you’re in the right place.
What I won’t do
I won’t call something a holy grail. I’ll tell you how many hours it lasted and on what skin.
I won’t pretend a $6 product is automatically worse than a $60 one. Performance is the only ranking that matters.
I won’t give you a recommendation I wouldn’t put on a bride. That is the only standard that has ever made sense to me.
My name is Simone Delaney. I live in Silver Lake, I hike Runyon more mornings than I should, and I still get a little too invested in whoever is winning awards season. I name my current favorite lipsticks after characters from whatever show I’m watching. And I will never tell you to put something on your face that I wouldn’t trust on someone else’s wedding day.
If I wouldn’t put it on a bride, I won’t tell you to put it on your face.
That’s the whole deal. Let’s get to work.
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